You're Stronger Than You Think
The Power of Resilience
I never knew how resilient I was until everything fell apart. And when I say 'fell apart' I mean I felt like my whole life, identity, purpose, support system - all of it. Was gone.
Now in the moment, this felt deflating, and confusing and daunting to say the least. But little by little, and I got reconnected with myself. I was able to look back and see how time after time, I had shown that I COULD bounce back. And come back even stronger.
I'm a firm believer that this is the case for you too my friend. So let's dig into the topic of resilience and get to know it a little better. So that when you're ready - you too can tap into your best stuff and move forward with the confidence that not only you CAN do it, but you probably already have proof that you have done it before.
Resilience is a word we often hear, but what does it mean? For those of us who’ve spent years pleasing others, putting our own needs aside, and struggling with self-esteem, resilience can seem like a distant dream—something others have, but we do not. Yet, the truth is that resilience is already a part of who you are. It’s woven into your story, hidden in the moments you’ve overcome challenges, even when you felt at your weakest.
Having an umbrella doesn't stop the rain. Being resilient doesn't stop shitty things from happening. But it's not a bad idea to have both fo those things...
Understanding Resilience: More Than Bouncing Back
Resilience isn’t about never falling. It’s about getting back up, time and time again, no matter how many times life knocks you down. It’s not the absence of struggle but the strength to keep moving forward despite the struggle.
For those who’ve spent years as people pleasers, resilience is often a well-hidden trait. You’ve been conditioned to put others first, often at the expense of your own needs and well-being. You’ve developed a unique strength—one that has helped you survive, even when it felt like you were invisible or unimportant. But here’s the thing: that strength is resilience. And it’s time to recognize and embrace it.
Observing Your Resilience: A Path of Self-Discovery
Here comes the fun part. Take a moment to reflect on your life. Think about the times when you felt like you couldn’t go on, but somehow, you did. Those moments, no matter how small, are proof of your resilience.
I can think of plenty of times I was down and out!
Like the time I rented an apartment only to find out ON MOVING DAY that they had rented it to someone else and never told me. I was in that moment...homeless.
Or the time that I walked into my dream job to facilitate a workshop only to find out that my role had been entirely eliminated from the company. I was jobless.
Or the time my marriage ended and my mom died (within weeks of eachother) and I moved back home to Canada to help my Dad and start my life from scratch without my biggest cheerleader and support. I was alone.
But none of those things ended up being the end at all...they were the beginning of something greater. Were they shitty? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY! But they were also the moments that called on my strength to show up, and popped me into determination mode. And you can do it too. So as you're reflecting on your life, think about these things:
- Remember the small victories: Maybe you spoke up for yourself in a situation where you would normally stay silent. Perhaps you set a boundary, even if it was just a small one. These are signs of resilience. They show that you’re capable of change, growth, and self-advocacy. The sexiest of attributes, really.
- Acknowledge the tough times: Think about the challenges you’ve faced—heartbreak, rejection, self-doubt. You’ve survived all of these. That’s resilience in action. You might not have realized it at the time, but every time you faced adversity and kept going, you were strengthening your resilience.
- Celebrate your progress: Look at where you are now compared to where you were a year ago, five years ago, or even ten years ago. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a testament to your resilience.
Feeling better already?? Me too. Let's keep digging...
Leveraging Resilience as Part of Your Identity
Now that you’ve identified the resilience within you, it’s time to make it a conscious part of your identity. Here’s how you can do that:
1. Reframe your story: Start telling yourself a new story—one where you’re the resilient, strong person who has overcome adversity and continues to grow. This isn’t about ignoring the hardships but acknowledging them as part of your journey and proof of your strength.
2. Practice self-compassion: Understand that resilience isn’t about being perfect. It’s about perseverance. Be kind to yourself when you stumble. (This is where positive self-talk is a game-changer). Recognize that every setback is a chance to strengthen your resilience.
3. Set small, doable goals: Building resilience is like building a muscle. Start small. Set goals that challenge you but are within your reach. Each time you achieve one, you’ll reinforce your resilience and boost your confidence. Who couldn't use a little more of those?!
4. Surround yourself with support: Resilience isn’t built in isolation!! This was a huge lesson I learned, and I've got an amazing posse to prove it. Surround yourself with people who uplift and encourage you. Share your ups and downs with them, and allow them to remind you of your strength when you forget. It's okay to ask. They won't be shy to remind you of your awesomeness.
5. Make a Resilience Top 5: Write down moments when you’ve demonstrated resilience. Reflect on these regularly. Over time, you’ll begin to see a pattern—a strong, resilient person emerging through the pages.
The Power of Resilience: Your Key to Confidence
When you begin to see resilience as part of your identity, it transforms how you see yourself. You start to realize that you’ve always been stronger than you gave yourself credit for. This shift in perspective is empowering. It builds confidence because you know that no matter what life throws at you, you have the resilience to face it.
As you start to see and appreciate your own resilience, you’ll find that your self-esteem and self-confidence will naturally begin to grow. You’ll start to believe in your ability to tackle challenges, set boundaries, and pursue your own happiness—because you’ve seen yourself do it before.
Remember, resilience is not a destination; it’s a journey. It’s a process of continual growth, learning, and self-discovery. As you move forward, embrace your resilience. Let it be the foundation on which you build your confidence and self-worth. You’ve come this far, and you have everything within you to keep going, no matter what comes your way.
Believe in your resilience. Believe in yourself. You are capable of more than you know, and your journey is just beginning.
I'm excited for you. You've got this.
XOXO Steph
