STOP TALKING SMACK (to yourself)
The Power of Positive Self-Talk: Your Key to Overcoming Adversity
I'll never forget the time I was having a conversation with a friend of mine, and I made some self-deprecating comment about myself. Knowing me, it was probably in jest. I'm a big fan of comedy for the sake of comedy. But you know what my friend said? She said: "If someone walked up to you and said that to you ABOUT YOU, you'd probably want to punch them in the face. Why the hell are you talking to yourself that way?!"
I...didn't know what to say. It was a good point. I knew that speaking kindly about and to other people was important, that's how I was raised. But no one ever pulled me aside and made sure that I was extending that same consideration and kindness to myself. So that's what I'm here to do. I'm here to gently tap you on the shoulder and ask:
Are you speaking to yourself from the highest place of love and acceptance?
You may not even be tuned into your inner dialogue enough to really think of it consciously. So I'm here to say it's time to start. That voice, those words are SO POWERFUL so I'm here to make sure you've got the right record on repeat. That voice is the soundtrack to your life, so let's make it the best one possible!
How bout you? Have you ever found yourself trapped in a cycle of negative thoughts, doubting your worth, or feeling like you’re not enough? If you’re a recovering people pleaser like I am, or someone struggling with low self-esteem, these feelings might be all too familiar. But here’s the good news: you have the power to change this bitch track through the practice of positive self-talk. This isn’t just about saying nice things to yourself; it’s about transforming the way you see yourself, building resilience, and reclaiming your confidence.
Understanding Self-Talk: The Inner Dialogue That Shapes Your Reality
Self-talk is the ongoing dialogue you have with yourself. It can be uplifting, motivating, and empowering, or it can be critical, limiting, and damaging. The words you speak to yourself have a major impact on your emotions, the way you behave, and ultimately, your life. For a lot of us, especially those with a history of people-pleasing or low self-worth, negative self-talk can become a habit. A gross, horrible habit. Its so sneaky that we've forgotten how much it degrades our self worth. Its able to do this because its become an ingrained pattern that feels almost automatic.
Imagine your mind as a garden. Negative thoughts are like weeds that choke the growth of healthy, beautiful plants. Positive self-talk, on the other hand, is like watering and nurturing those plants, allowing them to flourish. The goal is to become more aware of the weeds and consciously choose to plant and cultivate positivity.
How to Observe Your Self-Talk
It never ceases to amaze me what we'll tolerate. I remember working on the floor one day with my crew of baristas, and at the time we worked in a really busy cafe. (I worked at Starbucks for 15 years if you're new here..)
I remember two of my staff talking with each other, and one of them said something silly, and the other person responded: "Oh that's so dumb, you're crazy."
Now I was at the particular point in my own personal development when I was focused and concentrating on self-talk and the power of words.
So my ears perked up, and I said: "Hold up - what did you say?"
They quickly told me about how they were just kidding, and it wasn't a big deal. Well I hopped onto my soap box real quick and reminded them of the power of words. And how there's two ways to speak - one that uplifts, and one that does not. There's also the power of perception. If someone was walking by, and didn't hear the context and didn't know it was a joke, what would they think? They may get the impression that that's how we speak to each other. And that speaking like this to people you like and enjoy is ok.
But hot take = it's not. We have options. We can do better.
The first step in transforming your self-talk is to become aware of it. Here’s how:
1. Pause and Reflect: Throughout your day, take moments to pause and reflect on the thoughts running through your mind. Are they encouraging or critical? Are they based on facts, or are they exaggerated fears and doubts?
2. Write that shit down: Keep a journal to document your thoughts. Write down any negative self-talk you notice and challenge it by questioning its validity. For example, if you think, “I’m not good enough,” ask yourself, “What evidence do I have that supports this? What evidence contradicts it?”
3. Mindful Awareness: Practice mindfulness by staying present in the moment. When negative thoughts come up, acknowledge them without judgment (remove the emotion attached) and then gently redirect your focus to something positive.
Whether you think you can or you can't....You're right.
Transforming Negative Self-Talk into Positive Affirmations
Once you’ve observed your self-talk, the next step is to consciously replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. This doesn’t mean ignoring your struggles or pretending everything is perfect.
It’s about reframing your perspective to focus on your strengths, potential, and the progress you’re making.
Here are some examples of how to transform negative self-talk:
- Negative: “I always mess things up.”
- Positive: “I’m learning and growing from every experience, and I’m getting better every day.”
- Negative: “I’m not good enough.”
- Positive: “I am worthy and capable, just as I am.”
- Negative: “I can’t do this.”
- Positive: “I have the strength and resilience to overcome any challenge.”
My instagram account is well known for the daily affirmations! When you check in with my stories, you'll see that you can not only feed your brain some awesome affirmations (the same ones I used to rebuild my self-image and self-worth), but you can interact with them in a way that compounds the impact and uplifts your mindset instantly!
Action Steps to Pump Up Your Positive Self-Talk
To make positive self-talk a habit, try incorporating these action steps into your daily routine:
1. Start Your Day with Affirmations: Begin each morning by repeating positive affirmations that resonate with you. Say them out loud or write them down to reinforce their impact.
2. Surround Yourself with Positivity: Fill your environment with positive influences. This could be inspirational quotes, uplifting music, or spending time with people who encourage and support you.
3. Practice Gratitude: Shift your focus from what’s lacking to what you already have. Each day, write down three things you’re grateful for, no matter how small. Gratitude fosters a positive mindset and helps you appreciate your journey.
4. Celebrate Your Wins: Acknowledge and celebrate your achievements, no matter how minor they may seem. Each step forward is a victory worth recognizing.
5. Forgive Yourself: Remember, nobody is perfect. When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, don’t be too hard on yourself. Gently guide your thoughts back to positivity and remind yourself that growth is a process.
The Transformative Power of Positive Self-Talk
By consistently practicing positive self-talk, you’ll notice profound changes in your life. You’ll begin to feel more confident, more resilient, and more capable of facing challenges. Your relationship with yourself will improve, leading to healthier relationships with others. You’ll find that the world around you begins to mirror the positivity you create on your own.
One powerful example of this transformation is the shift from being a people pleaser to someone who sets healthy boundaries and prioritizes their own needs. When you tell yourself, “I deserve respect and kindness, just as much as anyone else,” you start to act in ways that honor your self-worth. This change doesn’t happen overnight, but with persistence, it becomes your new reality.
Conclusion: You Have the Power
The path to self-empowerment starts with the words you speak to yourself. Positive self-talk is more than just a technique—it’s a mindset, a way of life that can lead you from feeling invisible and undervalued to feeling confident and unstoppable. Remember, you are not defined by your past or by the opinions of others. You are worthy, capable, and deserving of every good thing life has to offer.
So, start today. Speak to yourself with kindness, with encouragement, and with the belief that you can achieve anything. The more you practice, the stronger you’ll become. And soon, you’ll realize that the voice in your head isn’t just a whisper of doubt; it’s the roar of a champion ready to take on the world.
You've got this.
xoxo Steph
